The only thing permanent is, recurring depression

You go into that video game arcade. You look around. The game you always wanted to play is finally without a queue. You run to the cashier and pay for the tokens. With the shiny token in your hand, you run to the machine. But wait… What’s that??? There seems to be a sheet of paper stuck on the screen. “UNDER MAINTENANCE. SORRY FOR INCONVENIENCE” it says. Your world seems to turn into a grayscale mass of a gooey substance that drags you deep into it. You lose your foothold. You’re perspiring. A tear rolls down to your cheek.

Cut to, 8 years later. Your family moves to a new place. It’s a big building with multiple apartments. Since they didn’t disown you (yet), you get a room too. You try making friends. But remember, you’re a weirdo. No one wants to be friends with you. But then you see this figure walking towards you. A beautiful girl. She puts up her hand and asks if you’d like to be friends with her. “This is new”, you think. And of course you put up your hand too. You know what, you do know what’s gonna come next. So, let’s fast-forward to the part where you were waiting outside the cafe, while she was sitting inside with that hot-shot from the gym, who plays guitar in a rock band. Yup! That’s the next cut of the movie, where the scene turns into black and white. It cuts down to a 4:3 panel. You feel that strong gust of wind pushing you backwards, as you fall down into that deep dark abyss. A melancholic music plays in the background as the “love of your life” walks away with the love of her life… or the chick magnet (as you named him). You better return to your Super Mario and Lego blocks, buddy.

You’re almost 30 now. You think by now you’d have learnt the lesson. That every drop of happiness is accompanied by a tsunami of depression. So, why’re you excited when that phone buzzes with a notification, informing you about a new match on a dating app. And as soon as you open it, the app screams at your face, “NO ONE LIKES YOU”. You then keep your phone down (yet don’t delete the app). You still hope that you’ll get one match that is not a spambot. But hey! At least, the spambot talks to you.

Even with this amalgamation of words (with a hope to form something meaningful). You started it in November, 2022, with enough enthusiasm that if converted into energy, could light up an entire town for a month. But after a couple of days of writing it, you couldn’t find the end to it. You shutdown (your laptop and yourself). You went back to writing cheap dick jokes to get a measly laugh out of the crowd. And that was the darkness of depression. You picked it up again on 15th of January, 2023. This time, with a controlled enthusiasm (smoking up helps).

Awaiting the closure of depression now.