The Empty Boat - Twelve voices inside the head

That day Alfred woke up at 6, as usual. He headed out to take a stroll to the river side. He liked watching the birds and ducks early in the morning. He took bird watching very seriously. He could identify every bird in the world. You ask him, “is that a bird?” and he’d be like, “yes!”

​​Amongst the ducks (in the river), Alfred saw a familiar face seated alone in a 2-seater canoe. A face that shouldn’t be out in public. A face that was perfect for the times of the great pandemic. It was Sam, a local bloke who told jokes at the street-side club or anywhere they let him in.

Though Sam was sitting alone, he wasn’t rowing the canoe. Almost as if he was waiting for someone. Someone to sit across from him. Someone at whom he could scream and let go of everything that worried him. But knowing Sam, Alfred could infer that he wouldn’t let just anyone sit there. He knew Sam wasn’t the kind who’d share his worries with everyone. 

Fifteen minutes had passed, before a lanky body (somehow) balanced on two legs approached the canoe. The face seemed familiar. Almost “too” familiar. IT WAS SAM! Again. An alternate version of Sam. Let’s call him ‘Sam-2’ (Wow! How creative.). Alfred looked out in wonderment as Sam let Sam-2 sit across from him in the canoe. Sam then started rowing the canoe. 

As the canoe drifted off, Sam started talking. “It’s ‘too’ quiet in here”, said Sam with a snarky smile. Sam-2 heaved as he replied, “Really? You wanna start with a terrible pun?” “Of course not”, replied Sam and continued to row the canoe. He continued, “I like the silence. It quiets the twelve voices inside, giving them no content to do a comedy special inside my head.” “You hear voices inside your head?” asked Sam-2. “Yes!” replied Sam.

Sam-2 seemed a bit concerned. He asked, “have you spoken to someone about it?” “No, I don't see the point”, replied Sam. “And, why not?” questioned Sam-2. Sam took a heavy breath. He stopped rowing the canoe. “Because, everytime I share with someone, they leave. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m repulsive or if it’s because my thoughts are too harrowing.”

The water splashed on the sides of the canoe, swaying it slightly. The cool breeze made the scenery peaceful. Sam-2 lit a cigarette. As Sam continued’ “that’s why, I got a small canoe. So that only I can sit in it and row away.” Sam-2 blew out a puff of smoke. He asked, “what about your friends, parents, and sister?” “They won;t understand me”, replied Sam. He put his hand in the water. The cold calms him down. “They might even abandon me, if they came to know the real me”, said Sam in a low and almost muted voice. “Nobody understands me. I’m broken”, went on Sam. Sam-2 burnt out the cigarette. He bent a little towards Sam and said, “but you’re talking to me and I’m not going anywhere.”

You could hear the wind in the silence that followed. The oars splashed the water. Sam slowly started to speak. “With you it’s different”, he said, “you’re one of the voices in my head too.”

Alfred watched as Sam brought the canoe to a stop at the dock. He was sitting alone. He got up and walked right across Alfred, almost as if Alfred didn’t exist. 

How do I know all this, you ask? Well, I’m Alfred. And, I’m just one of the twelve voices inside Sam’s head.